How Not To Fix Your Tush

While most of us have a little common sense, the closer you get to
the Jersey Shore, the more precious that commodity becomes. In a FOX
NEWS story, written by David Gutierrez, it appears that some serious
shortcuts were taken on six New Jersey women, who thought they could
improve their hindquarters on the cheap, which is never a good idea
when you talk about plastic surgery.

All six women ended up being hospitalized...after having their "S"
shot up with...bathroom caulking.

Hospital sources, who asked to remain anonymous, said that the
womens's tucchusez looked like "moonscapes." (I don't think that was
meant as a compliment.)

In addition to the caulking, there were traces of petroleum jelly
and non-medical grade silicone, all the stuff you might use to keep
water from running down the walls and ceilings.

In a bit of unintended humor, an official from the state voiced
concerns over "back alley butt jobs." He also added this gem, "If it
looks too cheap, there's probably a reason it's too cheap. (You can
always count on a bureaucrat to add something to a story.)

The president of the New Jersey Society of Plastic Surgeons says
that "butt jobs" are relatively rare, and the reason is that the
surgery has big risks, chief among them that the silicone can shift,
when you sit down. (Giving new life to "Howse it hangin'?")

In other important news, my latest project, Exercise for People Over
50, is almost ready.

Here's the first exercise:

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty
of room at each side.

With a 5 lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out
from your sides and hold them as long as you can. Try to reach a
full minute and then, relax.

With each passing day, you'll find that you can hold this position a
little longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10 lb bags.

Then try 25 lb, 50 lb, and eventually try to get to where you can
lift a 100 lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
for a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.


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Dr. Bill is an orthopaedic surgeon and author. He recommends this pharmaceutical grade fish oil for more energy, reduced joint pain and increased heart health.