Goofy Gwyneth Gets Good Advice

Right at the top, in the never ending competition for Hollywood Celebretard, is Gwyneth Paltrow, who may or may not be an actress, depending on your point of view. Gwyneth is married to a rock star, named her kids Apple and Moses and blathers on a blog called "GOOP."

At the moment she may be, or may not be, a friend of Madonna, but not to worry, among the glitterati in New York and Los Angeles, she has many devotees, who worship her fashion sense and whatever other senses she may possess.

I remember some years back listening to "the Gwynnie" espouse on politics and what an absolute horror show that was. I remember thinking back to that old saw about someone being missing when the brains were passed out and she has confirmed this for me several times, with her addled musings on GOOP.

When I saw this news tidbit today, I just couldn't pass it up. The Gwynnie says she has a brittle bone disease, typically found in older women (and women who starve themselves), and that the
treatment suggested by the doctor surprised her.

When doctors did a bone scan on her leg, they informed her that her vitamin D levels were the lowest they had ever seen. In case you're wondering, this is not a good thing. They put her on a prescription strength level of vitamin D and told her to spend some time in the sun (Excellent advice).

However (Gwynnie being the Gwynnie), was thrown off kilter by the doctors' advice about getting some sun, which ran contrary to all the fashionable (and wrong) advice being touted by the media, who are being spoon fed this anti-sun gibberish by the pharmaceutical companies, who manufacture and profit immensely from...sunscreen.

If you go to the beach today, you will see kids who look like they've been painted white with huge brushes, by mothers who believe the sun is a demon, to be avoided at all costs. These same mothers have buckets of saniwipes, to make sure not a speck of dirt touches their children either, because as we all know, dirt has germs.

Little do these well intentioned, but misinformed, people know that the states with the highest skin cancer rates are the ones furthest from the sun (Think Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont,
Minnesota, North Dakota). The ones with the lowest rates are the ones closest to the sun. In countries like Panama, skin cancer is virtually nonexistent.

Your vitamin D levels are important and believe it or not, many Americans are suffering from vitamin D deficiencies.

Could it be that we aren't getting enough sun?

That's just one of the Gwynnie's problems. Her diet is another,because she is following some goofy vegan diet that isn't providing proper nourishment. When you're 37...and you have the bones of an old woman, you had better start putting some meat on the plate, or you'll end up looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I used the Hunchback of Notre Dame because it's in Europe, where the Gwynnie is more culturally acclimated (because she is ashamed of America's lack of culture and lives in London, where body odor and bad teeth are status symbols).

A little exercise, a little sun, a spot of red meat with your vegetables, a double serving of my Powerhouse Omega Formula and there's a good chance you won't have to worry about brittle bones and osteoporosis (... or heart disease, or strokes, etc.)

However, if you love dressing in black, going about only at night and drinking "lemonade," made from kale, you'll just have to take your chances. You'll be hearing snap, crackle and pop... and it
won't be your cereal.